The Message
by ringanybells
Summary: Angel and the gang return to the hotel to find a weeping Willow. The news she delivers to the vampire with a soul breaks his heart even as it gives him hope. This is the missing end of S2, where Willow shares her pain, and Angel does what he can to cope.
1. Angel

_[A/N: I know this particular story has been written quite a few times, but I was watching There's No Place like Plrtz Glrb the other day, and this just came to me. It always bothered me that Joss didn't give us the scene between Willow and the gang, so I tried my hand at writing it. _Vive la Buffy. Vive le Angel. Vive le Joss._ In a perfect world, we would have seen the two of them together in the end. Ah well, guess I'll just have to imagine it that way.]  
_

"It's Buffy." He knew he was right as the words came out of his mouth. Not in the way they always say they know. It wasn't intuitively, because no part of his heart could imagine her being gone. Even though he'd lived two hundred and thirty odd years before her, he couldn't imagine life without her. And it wasn't instinctively, because despite her being the Slayer, instinct told him that she was too strong to be destroyed. He had fought her, trained with her, been defeated by her, she was one of the best he'd ever seen. He had made sure to teach her all his own tricks, believing that when he was dust, she'd still be going, alive and kicking because he'd helped prepare her. He didn't even know it instantly, because every part of his brain wanted to reject the thought of Buffy's body still and her skin cold.

He knew it logically. If something had happened, was happening, that warranted collaboration between their two fronts, Buffy would have called, or come, herself. They had reached a point in their mutual lives that made it easy to talk about the mission, even if being in the same air space made their respective skins burn. Because in the end, she was still the reason he fought. She would always be the thing that kept him going, more than the desire to help people. He fought tooth and nail for redemption, so that one day, he would be able to be with her.

But now Willow was looking him in the eyes from across his own lobby telling him it was never going to happen that way, but she hadn't said a word yet. Angel realized that if she opened her mouth and said those words, his soul just might die. Not literally, because this wouldn't be a moment of pure happiness, but all the pain those gypsies had wished on him would fit into the single moment in which Willow opened her mouth. Would that be enough to turn his unbeating heart into ash? Or would he have to find the strength to fight his way into the sun.

"What about Buffy?" Wesley looked from the tear streaked face of the girl before him to the tortured profile of his former boss. He couldn't see Angel's eyes. He wasn't as quick to put together what Willow presence must mean. Neither could Cordelia, whose head was looking back and forth between her former class mate and the vampire she stood next to. She hated being out of the loop.

"Yea, can we get a vowel? Or a sentence?" The annoyance in her voice dragged Willow's eyes from Angel's.

"Cordy, what are you wearing?" Willow's voice was small, weak, as if she hadn't used it in days. The inconsequential question seemed to break the layer of tension that had built up since the five of them had entered the room. The question catapulted them back through the years to a more innocent time. Cordelia had often asked Willow that same question, in a mocking tone. Back then they had disliked each other. Back then, they had had no idea what went bump in the night.

But now here they stood, in the hotel lobby. They knew what the world was truly like, had faced death dozens of times and dozens of ways. But it had never been more real to Willow than it was now. And she looked across the room at two strangers and two people who could empathize with her, and one vampire who's heart she was about to destroy, who's pain she couldn't even begin to understand. And she hated herself for being the bearer of this news. But who could she have sent? Anya and Tara- they didn't know half of the history, and it wouldn't have been fair to Angel to show such little consideration. Should she have sent Giles, who had been tortured at Angel's hands to make Buffy suffer and who had been replaced by Wesley because he'd loved Buffy too much? Or perhaps it should have been Xander who had always resented Angel for his place in Buffy's heart. There was really no other option, she'd been the only one to completely forgive Angel for the things he'd done, and she was the only one who understood how much Angel had loved Buffy. And how much she had loved him back.

Wesley could see the pain in Willow's eyes, even if he didn't know its exact cause. He realized that Angel was not going to be the one to take charge. "Gunn, why don't you take Fred upstairs and let her pick a room? And then perhaps take her for a taco?" He threw a pleading glance toward the young man, hoping he would comply without questioning.

Gunn's eyes darted from Wesley to the back of Angel's head then over his shoulder to the intruder. He was missing something, but from the sound of Angel's voice, he could wait to find out, "Sure. Fred, come on, let's go find you a bed."

Willow watched as the two strangers walked up the stairs and disappeared down the hallway. Movement in front of her brought her eyes back to the three people still waiting for her to deliver her news. Cordelia stepped down the stairs, jingling the whole time. She pointed toward a door of to the right, "Why don't we go in the office and sit?" Wesley moved to follow her immediately. They were both at the door, looking back when Angel took his first step forward. Forcing his knees to unlock had been a mistake,mistake; he stumbled forward, down the steps in front of him. Before Wesley or Cordelia could get any where near him, Willow was there. She was able to stop him from falling painfully to the floor, but his weight was too much for her. The two of them slid to the floor gently, arms wrapped around each other.

"I'm sorry Angel. I'm so sorry." Being in his arms was enough to break the flood gates and snap what was left of Willow's self control. In the beginning, before half of Sunnydale knew the truth, there had been them, just the five of them. It hadn't lasted long and they'd never really worked together, but they had been a team. Angel would tell Buffy of the upcoming threat, Giles, Willow and Xander would research it, and then Buffy and Angel would kill it. It had been an effective system. Cordelia and Ms. Calendar had joined the group quickly enough, along with Oz, and others later. But no one would feel for Buffy the way the first four Slayerettes had, no one would love her that way.

And as much as Willow loved her best friend, she knew her depth of feeling was nothing compared to the vampire's in her arms. He had given everything for Buffy, turned his back on his very nature, destroyed his own kind, killed his own sire. Angel had been the Scourge of Europe, one of the most feared vampires in all of history, now he sat in the arms of a college student trying to hold back tears for the love of his life, the Slayer.

Angel could feel Willow in his arms, feel her arms around him, he could even hear her muttered apologies. But his mind was a million miles away, reliving every moment in which he'd loved Buffy Summers, the Slayer. He remembered the day she was called, walking down the steps of her high school, in her horrible 90s fashion, the look of confusion when Merrick had told her about her destiny. He recalled the day he finally revealed himself to her, in the alley by the Bronze in Sunnydale, telling her he never promised her he was her friend and throwing her the symbol of his own pain. He could still taste her, that first time they'd kissed, in her bedroom, could still hear the scream as she'd realized what he was, could still smell the blood as she'd offered her neck to him the next day- telling him to drink.

He flashed through dozens of stake outs in the various cemeteries around Sunnydale. He ran through hundreds of training sessions, her body clashing with his own, trying to make sure she was prepared for any and every threat she had to face. He rehashed every conversation, from the mundane about movies they'd seen to the ones that made him want to be human again-the ones where she confessed all she wanted from her future was a life with him. He could recall with perfect clarity the way he'd tortured her as Angelus, the way he'd studied her as she slept thinking about the fun they could have if he turned her. The pain from remembering what he'd done to her as Angelus was not as bad as the pain from other moments he'd spent with her. The moments that meant everything to him- the night she'd given herself to him, the look in her eyes when she'd been forced to destroy him, the determination in her voice as she'd forced him to save himself by drinking her, the pain in her eyes as she'd watched him walk out of Sunnydale. There were also the words she'd screamed at him as he had waited for a sunrise that never came and the twenty-four hours of happiness that he alone in the world carried. He'd watched Buffy turn from self involved high school student to dedicated Slayer and all the while he'd loved her.

How many times had they faced death together? Yet he'd never considered she'd be the one to leave. Even as he'd stared at her in the Master's Lair, drowned, it had not occurred to him it would end that way. Yet that must be the case now. And he had not been there,there; he had not got to see her one last time.

He didn't know how long they sat there, with their arms wrapped around each other, each lost in their own memories of a girl who had not only changed their lives but who had saved the world. He was brought out of the past by a throat clearing. He released Willow and they both turned to see Gunn. The young man motioned to Wesley and Cordelia, both of whom approached the two on the floor. Cordelia helped Willow up and Wesley and Gunn each grabbed one of Angel's arms and hauled him up as well. They half carried Angel into the office, and Cordelia led Willow in behind.

"Fred walked through every room in the east wing trying to pick a room. She finally found one. She's going through some of Cordelia's old clothes trying to find something a little more comfortable to wear to dinner. I thought I'd make sure everything was okay down here, before we left. I don't think she needs to see the big man crying like a little girl." He meant no disrespect, he felt for Angel. His remarks however were met by a low growl, and the temperature in the room dropped ten degrees.

They all looked to Willow. She was no longer leaning against Cordelia. She was standing alone just inside the doorway. Her eyes were unfocused and slightly darker than usual. None of the humans in the room understood what was happening, but Angel had felt Willow's power before. It had run through him two years ago when she'd restored his soul. He hadn't felt power like that in a while, but it served to ground him. He moved from between Gunn and Wesley, hands outstretched. "Willow, it's alright." The temperature returned to normal and Willow's eyes lightened.

Willow's anger allowed Angel to think clearly for the first time since he'd seen her. She was in pain,pain; Buffy's death had taken its toll. She'd probably been waiting here for quite awhile. He was touched that she'd cared enough to come, he was sure that the rest of the Sunnydale club, with the exception of maybe Dawn, wouldn't have bothered. If he was going to make this girl relive her best friend's death, and he would make her do just that because he needed to know what happened, then she was going to need to be as comfortable as possible. That meant he needed to get Gunn and Fred out. "Gunn, why don't you take Fred for some tacos, then show her around LA. A lot has changed in the last five years,years; she might like some time to adjust. Take her to Lorne's after. Tell him," Angel paused unsure of what to say. Lorne had a direct link to the Powers, it was possible he knew what was going on. But he didn't want to assume anything. "Tell him that we had an emergency. We'll call later."

Gunn knew when he was being dismissed, and he didn't argue. He left the room and went upstairs to find Fred. Wesley and Cordelia had taken seats against the wall. Angel led Willow to one of the seats facing the desk, then sat next to her. He reached forward and grabbed her hand, giving it a squeeze. Her eyes focused on him, as if he was the only one in the room. "Willow, I know you're tired. And I know," he paused to let her know how truly in sync he was with her, "how much pain you're in. But please," his voice broke, he wasn't ashamed. "I need to know what happened," he took a deep breath, not because he needed it but because he could feel himself losing control. "I need to know what happened to her."

Willow looked into Angel's eyes. She saw so much pain in them. Angel had spent over a century wreaking havoc on the Earth. And he'd spent almost as much time with a soul, constantly being reminded of those deeds. When she'd met him 4 years ago, his eyes had been unreadable. If you didn't know about his affliction, you wouldn't have guessed the memories he carried with him. But as she stared into his eyes now, there was enough pain to eclipse her own.

"How much do you know?" Buffy had been secretive this past year, only telling the people who needed to know as little as possible. It had been her attempt to protect not only her friends and Dawn, but herself as well. Willow assumed that since Buffy had only told Willow and Xander the truth about Dawn because Glory had been closing in, then she probably hadn't mentioned it to Angel at all. But she may have told him about Glory, it's not everyday that a slayer gets to go up against a hell god.

But she watched Angel squirm. He knew a lot more about what had been happening in Sunnydale than either his own team or Willow knew. Now that Buffy was gone and the threat was over, it didn't really matter if he told them as much. But knowing that Buffy had withheld info from her friends but given it to him would upset Willow. He hated doing anything that would tarnish her name in their memories. But there was no sense making Willow relive more than was necessary.

"I know a bit of it. Buffy and I have been talking a lot more this year, especially since Joyce…" He left the sentence hanging,hanging; he hated thinking what short life spans the Summers women had. "She was worried about everything. After she had that close call in the cemetery, she called me up. She just wanted to talk. She said she needed someone who understood it."

"Understood what?" Suspicion colored Willow's voice. She had expected to find Angel in the dark about most of this last year. But she was now getting a strong feeling that he was very much in the know.

"The need to protect the person you love," he let that sink in for a minute. "Since her brush with the Master, Buffy's been aware of her mortality. But she wasn't worried about it. Slayers die, its how the job works. She just always figured when she went out, it would be one of the big fights, you know, like raining frogs and brimstone big. But then there's this vampire, not even old, just a normal vamp. And it nearly killed her with her own stake. It really hit her, just how easily she could die one night on patrol. She had just figured out the truth about Dawn. She was afraid that if something happened to her, Dawn would be left unprotected. So she called me. She needed to know how you live your life from battle to battle, knowing it will end eventually. She needed me to tell her that the fighting was worth it, even if it meant she'd leave the people she loved eventually. The way she was talking, it scared me. I offered to come home, fight with her. She just laughed and told me to relax. Then she told me what she'd found out about Dawn. She asked me to promise her something. She asked me to be for Dawn what I had been unable to be for her, her protector. Of course, I agreed, I'd always liked Dawn. Knowing it was all fake didn't change that.

"After that we kept in touch. She'd call to let me know new information she'd found about Glory and she'd call to vent about all that was happening with Joyce. She was in especially bad shape when soldier boy took off. Called me begging to know what was wrong with her, that the only guy she could keep in her life was a neutered vampire who happened to be stalking her. I swear if I'd known where he went to, I would have hunted Riley down and killed him."

"She told you about Spike?" Willow was slightly surprised. She had assumed Buffy would guard Dawn's origins, telling as few people as possible. Wasn't she afraid that Angel might lose his soul again and turn on her? And Buffy had been extremely closed lipped about everything surrounding Joyce's illness to all of them. She'd barely spoken a word till the day after the funeral. But to tell Angel that Spike, his protégé, was stalking her? That seems like an invitation for intense vampire jealousy. Willow was suddenly feeling quite angry, at both the vampire before her and her best friend.

"Yea, when she called to tell me about Joyce, she thought it best to warn me. She didn't want me catching a whiff of Captain Peroxide and staking him." Angel looked at Willow. He could see that she was hurt. Buffy hadn't meant to cause her friend more pain by keeping secrets, but it came with her territory. She trusted her friends with her life, and by telling them about Dawn, she'd entrusted them with her sister's as well. But she'd learned long ago, it was better to protect your heart. Angel had already broken her heart in every way imaginable, but he'd also healed it a thousand times over as well. Despite her fate, he had allowed her to be a normal girl. She could rage and scream and beat him all she needed, it wouldn't hurt him. She could tell him how badly she wanted to give up and runaway again, and he wouldn't hold it against her. There was nothing Buffy could say or do that would cause Angel to stop loving her, not even kill him. So when she'd needed someone to hear her biggest fears and know how weak she really was, there was no better listener than Angel. That's what became of being soul mates, there was nothing you could say or do- from confessions to torture to murder- that could cause them to stop loving you.

"Being the slayer, it made her different, not just in the super strength and healing powers way. This fight that we wage, it's your choice. You and Xander, you guys choose to do it everyday. If you wanted to, you could walk away from this all tomorrow. And now that Buffy's gone, you might. No one will hold that against you. Even if you choose to keep going, there will come a point when you've seen too much, or you want something more out of life, and you will stop. It may not be permanent; you might still fight if something threatens your existence. But you will walk away. That was never going to happen for Buffy. She didn't choose her life, she was chosen. If she had been in your shoes, she was brave enough to admit she probably would have walked the other way. But she wasn't in your shoes. There was no where for her to go. She tried to run, but she couldn't escape her destiny. She was going to fight forever, because the moment she stopped fighting, was the moment she died. Try as you might that was never something you were going to understand." He tried to be as gentle as possible, but he needed Willow to see Buffy's point of view.

Willow was slightly thankful to Angel, this was the first time she'd felt anything besides grief since seeing Buffy's body. Feeling anger toward Angel was better than the mind numbing pain she'd been in the last week. "But you did? You're not even human, how can you understand? How can you understand, you're not even human? How can you be the one she confides in? I'm her best friend!" She tore her hand out of his grasp, stood up and walked to the door. She wiped at the tears coming from her eyes.

Angel didn't respond to Willow's anger with anger, though every part of him wanted to beat something bloody over the world's unfairness. He stood and crossed the room. He approached Willow from behind and put his hands on her shoulders. "I understood. I'm as trapped like this as she was. What are my options, Willow? Fight, for her, or die, which I'd also do for her. From that day I first saw her in L.A., she's the reason I'm here. If she had chosen to walk away from the fight at any time, I would have followed her. There were often times I wanted her to. I wanted to beg her to stop being who she was because I couldn't bear to lose her. It wouldn't have mattered to me that she was turning her back on her calling, on the world. As long as she was alive to do it, I was fine with any decision she made." He cast a quick glance at Wesley and Cordelia, he didn't want to hurt their feelings but he was speaking the truth. "The fight doesn't matter to me, not the way it does to all of you. You, Giles, the others in Sunnydale, my team here, you all fight to make the world a better place, because now that you know what's out there, you can't just sit by and do nothing. That's your mission, but I'm not going to pretend to be half as noble as that. I spent over a century knowing what the world was made of, of the evil that roamed the earth under cover of night. I would have spent another century wallowing in my pain with no qualms if the Powers hadn't seen fit to bring me to L.A." Angel again remembered the moment he first saw Buffy, the moment he decided he would give anything to protect her from his world.

"I watched as Merrick told her about her destiny. I watched as she lost everything that she'd had in L.A., her friends, cheerleading, her father. And then I saw her lose the man who had become her center, the one person she was supposed to be able to trust and rely on for everything. And I couldn't stand to see her in pain. I fight because I saw a fifteen year old girl watch her life fall apart and she still had the courage and dedication to risk her life for the friends that abandoned her. I fight because I saw that same girl walk to her death because that's what she had to do to save the people she loved. I fight for the woman who time and again gave up everything that meant anything to her for the good of the world. I fight because every demon and vampire I kill, is one less that she has to worry about. My dedication to the cause has nothing to do with humanity and everything to do with keeping Buffy alive."

Angel had told Buffy all this once, after he'd come back from hell. It had been one of their reflective evenings in the cemetery. Buffy had been upset about all the things she'd never do or see, feelings brought on by her encroaching graduation and the feeling of solitude as she watched her classmates prepare for college and travel and lives outside Sunnydale. It was the first time she'd confessed her desire to run again, not away this time, but to run into the world and find something other than evil. She had talked about all the things she wanted to see- Europe and Australia and China- a million places that he'd once been too, but longed to see again with her at his side. She had gone on for almost an hour, about all the things she would miss out on because she was what she was. Then she had chastised herself for dreaming. Angel had pulled her close, wrapped his arms around her and whispered into her ear, "Don't give up on your dreams just because things seem bleak now. If you want to go, then we'll go." She had looked so happy, her eyes so full of hope, "Promise?" He'd pulled her in then, kissed her deeply, and as he pulled away, he'd whispered, "Just say the word."

Nothing had ever become of it. They'd talked many times about the sights of Europe after that, but she never asked him to take her. He figured that she was afraid he had meant what he said, and he had. But Buffy wasn't able to just walk away, so instead of doing what she wanted, she'd held tight to the promise that there was someone who would let her do it. Now she would never have the chance.

"Will you stop fighting now that she's gone?" Willow's question caught him off guard. Hadn't he explained that he fought for her? As long as there was a possibility he could regain his humanity, as the Powers had eluded to before, he had to keep fighting, because the day that happened was the day he would have redemption. He'd given it up before because it meant he'd been unable to protect Buffy. But if she was dead, there was no reason to relinquish it when it came around again. Then it was just a matter of time before he was able to join her.

"No, I won't stop fighting."

"But you said you fought for Buffy, if she's not here what are you fighting for?"

"For Buffy, it's still her fight, even if she's not here to do battle anymore. She died in this war, and until I get my reprieve, I'll keep fighting it for her."

Willow let his answer hang. His remark had confused her, what reprieve would Angel be receiving? Then she turned around. Angel had crossed back over to the chair, he now stood behind it. Cordelia and Wesley were still present, they'd been so silent Willow had forgotten they were there. Then she remembered why she had come, realized they were all waiting for her to tell them about Buffy's death. She sucked in a deep breath, then let it out. "Glory figured everything out, she realized that the key must be a person. It took her a few tries- at first she thought it was Spike, and then she thought Tara" Willow again took a breath, releasing some of the pain from seeing Tara's mind destroyed by Glory's magic. "But in the end, she realized it was Dawn. We tried to make a run for it, but by then Glory wasn't the only one chasing us. She caught up with us though and took Dawn. Buffy couldn't stop her and it just about destroyed her to realize she'd lost Dawn."

She paused remembering what it had been like to see her best friend practically comatose. "When we realized the ritual was approaching, Buffy snapped out of it. Then we rode in, using every trick in the book. We were doing so well, too. But there was this demon, who we hadn't figured into the plans. By then Spike had reached Dawn, but this demon, he was too quick and he managed to get the upper hand. He threw Spike off the tower, and started the ritual. Buffy was keeping Glory busy, so at first we didn't realize the ritual had even begun. Buffy had Glory pretty much defeated, but she didn't strike the killing blow. She went after Dawn, didn't want to waste anymore time. When she got to the top of the tower, she realized it was too late. Dawn tried to, she tried to jump herself, but Buffy wouldn't let her. You see, once the portal was opened, it would remain so until blood closed it. Since the Dawn was made from Buffy's blood, Buffy realized she could close it as well. So she did it." Tears were running down Willow's face, she realized that half of what she'd said wouldn't make any sense to Cordelia or Wesley, but it didn't much matter, as long as Angel knew.

She looked up and met his eyes across the room. He, too, had tears running down his face. She could see the pain in his eyes, but there was something else there. It was pride, and love.

He'd spent years among humans, had even been one once. He knew that ninety-eight percent of the human population were greedy, self-serving people. It had been Buffy that convinced him they weren't all like that. He'd seen the good she'd done, watched her save people who despised her. Despite all the horrors she'd seen and pain she'd experienced, her last act on this earth had still been one of utter sacrifice. Despite all the times she'd wished for a different life, and all the times she'd begged to be allowed to walk away, in the end, she had taken up her mantle most graciously. There were not words to describe how proud he was of her actions.

And there were not words to describe how much he hated her for leaving him alone. She'd once told him he had it easy, that he was always the one who got to do the leaving. He had looked at her sadly and reminded her that he only got to do the leaving because if he stayed he'd just have to watch them leave. She'd gotten silent and then looked him in the eye and agreed that maybe he didn't have it the best. He'd chuckled mirthlessly and nodded. She had leaned in close and pulled his face to meet her own. "I won't leave. I promise. My heart, my soul, they're yours for as long as you live." His heart, had it been beating, would have raced at her declaration. "Buffy, I'm going to live forever." She had taken a minute to think about that, and then nodded once, "Good, I don't want them back before that." She had leaned in and kissed him then. Yes, he still had her love, she told him so quite frequently before they ended their phone calls. But it was going to be hard to remember that when he stood staring at a gravestone that promised him naught but a long future alone.

"I should really be going. With the slayer out of commission, it's only a matter of time before Sunnydale becomes infested."

It was then that Wesley spoke up, "Do you, I mean, if you want help, we're more than willing." He had listened to the story of how his slayer had died, even if she was never really his slayer, and realized just how unfair the whole Chosen One deal was. Buffy had tried to show him time and again what being the Slayer meant, but he had ignored her, he'd been to afraid that what happened to Giles would happen to him. He had to look at Buffy as his job, his charge, not as a young girl who would see too much suffering and evil before herself meeting a way to early death, because he didn't want to mourn her the way he knew Giles was right now, the way every Watcher mourned the loss of his Slayer. Little did he know that all his distancing would be to no avail, he would still mourn her, maybe not as Giles did, but certainly as all Watchers grieved for the passing of the Slayer they lost.

"Thanks, Wes, but I think we've got it under control for now. I might take you up on that offer later." She leaned forward and hugged him. It was strange to see that the bumbling British man who had replaced Giles, trying so hard to be the perfect Watcher, had become side kick to a vampire. It almost made Willow laugh. It was almost as funny as the thought of Cordelia the Prom Queen spending her days sharpening weapons and filing cases about demons, when in high school all she had wanted was to escape Buffy and her weirdness.

As Willow released Wesley, Cordelia grabbed her in a hug. "I'm sorry about Buffy, Willow. We had our differences but I owe her my life, like ten times over. I know I used to wish that she'd never come into our lives, but I think that they're better because she did, or longer at least."

"I know what you mean, Cordy. She would have been proud to know you were still in the fight." She saw tears form in Cordelia's eyes. She squeezed her one last time and then turned for the door. "Oh, I forgot," she reached in her bag and pulled out a letter, "Seems like Buffy was preparing for the worst. She left a bunch of instructions regarding Dawn and the house and stuff, and this." She extended her hand toward Angel. He recognized the stationary, it had been his once upon a time. He had used it to torment her, but when she'd found it in the mansion, she had asked to keep it. He had let her. He took the letter from Willow. She moved forward and hugged him one last time. "Take care, Angel." And with that the red head turned and walked out of the office, leaving the hotel.

Wesley opened his mouth as if to say something, but Cordelia, seeing the way Angel was staring at the letter, simply grabbed his arm and led him out.

Angel turned the envelope over and pulled out several pieces of paper. He opened the letter to the first page and began to read:

_Dear Angel,_

_I'm sorry. I know we were supposed to grow old fighting demons together but I have a feeling that fate has other plans, which shouldn't come as a surprise, not to you, when nothing has ever been allowed anything to go our way. We have had to fight tooth and nail for everything in our lives, and in our relationship. But looking back, I wouldn't give up the times we had together for anything, not even for more time on Earth. That's right I, Buffy Summers, the queen of rejected destiny, would choose this life, with you, and this end, over the life of a normal girl, not that they ever offered me a choice._

_I used to think that one day we'd get our reward for everything we'd been forced to give up. And I have given up a lot Angel. It's not self pity, it's fact. I've lost family, and been forced to destroy former friends. I've given up six years of my life fighting the darkness. And I gave you up. I've come to accept that life, when it comes to me, is unfair. But I'm sorry it's also so unfair to you. You've been trying so hard to earn redemption, and I know you do it for me._

_I don't want you to stop. I need to know that you will keep fighting my battle, because what does my death mean if there aren't people who are willing to do as I did? I can willingly give my life to save the world, knowing that it will allow you, and my friends, to keep going._

_Slayers die. It was one of the first things Merrick told me. He didn't want me to have some glorified Superman vision of what my life was to become. I didn't really believe him till that night with the Master, when it came true. But I know now, more than I've ever known anything else to be true, that Slayers do not get to live forever. In fact, they usually don't get to live very long at all. I went snooping through the Watcher's Diaries,Diaries; apparently the average slayer will be lucky to see two years passed the day she was called. I've seen six. That makes me one of the longest living slayers in history, which is something to be proud of I guess. I think I've made it this far because I broke the rules. Which I don't regret doing._

_I need you to do me a favor, go to Faith. Explain to her what happened, tell her I'm sorry. I wrote her a letter, too, but I didn't leave it for anyone but you to find. If you go to the mansion, it's hidden in the loose brick in the courtyard. You'll find something else there, too. I know I promised I'd wear it all the time, but fighting has a tendency to destroy the things I hold dear, and I didn't want anything to happen to it. Take it, and keep it close to you, because my heart still belongs to you, and this is the only proof I can give you of that. I'd have happily worn that ring in death, but if it stays with you, then a part of me can stay with you too._

_Oh God, Angel. There are so many things I want to say to you. I keep thinking of that promise you made me, to take me away from all of this. I wish I had followed you then, and not allowed things to become this bad. I'm still not ready to die. But I know it is my destiny, to lose my life so that others can keep theirs. It makes me sound like some noble hero, when really all I am is a scared little girl, who wants desperately to crawl into the arms of someone who loves her. I had to use all my strength to keep from calling you. I was afraid if I saw you again, I wouldn't be willing to do all that needed to be done in this fight. Who knows, maybe this will all turn out okay and I'll be able to rip this letter up tomorrow morning._

_Don't mourn me Angel. Just remember me. And love me, please. I know that you do, and there were times when it was all that kept me going. Living without you, those three months, was more difficult than I care to remember, so I know how much you'll hurt as you read this. But all I can say is that we knew this was an inevitability. An early death was always in my cards, just as eternal life has been in yours. I guess in the end, even those as remarkable as us- the outcasts- can't escape fate._

_I have to go, duty calls. I wish I had more time to say goodbye, a few more minutes, a few more days. I wish I could do this face to face or at least over the phone, but when I called there was no answer. I couldn't bear to do this over your your answering machine. There is so much that I want to say to you, but it seems as though those things will have to remain unsaid until we meet again. And we will meet again, Angel, I promise. You will earn your redemption, and I will be waiting for you. I love you, Angel, with all that I am. And I always will._

_Forever Yours,_

_Buffy_

Angel held the letter, tears running down his face, to smear the words on the page. Leave it to Buffy to write him a letter like that. He didn't know what he was going to do for the rest of eternity, but he could figure it out if he knew she was waiting for him. He could keep fighting if he believed he would see her again. He would continue her fight, but first there were two things he needed to do. He needed to go see Faith and tell her what had happened to her comrade in arms. Then he was going to need some time to process how to function without hearing her voice, or seeing her face, or feeling her lips. He loved his brave slayer with all his soul, a soul he had not fully appreciated or understood until he met her. He would spend the next seven centuries trying to reach absolution if that's what it took. Because there was no price to large to pay if an eternity with Buffy was the reward.


	2. Faith, Hope, and Trick

Faith stared through the glass at the vampire. It had been several weeks since she had seen him last. But when you were busy saving the world, it was hard to arrange time to visit people in jail. Especially because the prison only allowed night visits once every two weeks. Angel had been pretty good coming to them in the time she'd been here. He'd sent a note last time explaining why he couldn't come. And now here he sat, across from her.

She'd faced a lot of death in her time, both as a slayer and before. She knew what it looked like, smelled like. She'd never looked at Angel and thought of him as dead. She'd always thought vampire, but never seen him as something no longer living. He had always been so vibrant, not bright or obvious, his presence was just so overpowering, and it was hard to mistake him for a nonentity. But something had changed since she'd seen him last. The fire that usually burned in his eyes was gone. The presence that was usually so overpowering was absent.

She reached for the telephone hesitantly. She had a feeling whatever he was here for didn't bode well for her. Whatever Angel had experienced in the last month had been enough to drain the semblance of life from him. Whatever had caused the change in Angel was not a happy thing for the team fighting against evil. Something that could alter Angel screamed of a triumph for the other side. She brought the receiver to her ear, but he had yet to touch his end. He just stared at her, as if he was seeing her without really seeing her. She leaned forward and tapped on the glass, dragging him out of his mental reverie. He reached for his receiver.

As soon as he brought it to his ear, Faith spoke, "Hey big guy. If coming to see me is this big a downer, you didn't have to come." She'd always been a take charge kind of girl. It was her experience that if she was controlling the flow of conversation, she was a lot less likely to get hurt. She was hoping that her attempt at a joke would lighten his mood. However, it was to no avail. His lack of response did nothing to quell her uneasy feelings. Seeing him distracted like that only meant that whatever news he brought was of the huge, life-changing kind.

"It's not that, Faith." Angel had known he was coming, but he still didn't have the words to tell Faith. Faith and Buffy had not been on the best of terms at their last engagement, or for most of the year preceding it. Buffy had asked him to come here, yet she'd left no further instructions on how to deal with this situation. It's not like this kind of conversation had ever taken place before. Every slayer knew that from the moment she was called, the girl who'd born her title previously was dead. They didn't know each other, had never fought side by side. So how did Angel go about doing this? How do you tell someone that the person they had the most in common with, but hated the most, was gone? How do you tell someone they're the only one of their kind left? "Faith, something's happened."

And just like that, every sense that Faith possessed screamed for her to get up and walk away. There was only thing that could destroy Angel like this. The lack of fire in his eyes meant that something _had, _in fact,happened, to Buffy.

As much as it might seem that Faith hated Buffy, it wasn't that simple, not by a long shot. Sure, she loathed Buffy for making her feel weak. And she envied Buffy all the things she had that Faith herself didn't. But at the end of the day, she and Buffy were in the same boat, destined to fight the forces of darkness until it killed them. And Faith might have a slight reprieve now, what with the jail time and all, but that didn't mean she'd forgotten about her calling. Or about the fact that Buffy was out there doing their job, alone.

Faith swallowed her guilt over this, but couldn't swallow the bile that rose in her throat from the images Angel's presence suggested. "You know what, Angel. I think I'm better off not knowing. Because whatever it is that you're about to say, it can't possible by any good. So just tell me everything is five by five, and then go. And tell Buffy to watch her back, you know, because she might not be the only slayer any more, but my warden kind of prefers I stay in my cell. I can't go bailing B out just because she bit off more then she could chew." Faith was shaking, she couldn't control it. Now that Angel was here staring at her, she could feel everything that was wrong in the air.

She had no idea how she could have missed it before. The air was practically screaming around her. She was vibrating within her own skin. She could feel all the power of the slayer coursing through every vein in her body. And she didn't like the feeling. It wasn't anything like the high she used to get fighting vamps side by side with Buffy, the feeling that made her love being the slayer, this feeling was all wrong.

"Faith, you're right. Buffy's not the only slayer any more. You are." Tears were running down Angel's face again. He'd thought he'd cried himself dry after Willow had left, reading and rereading Buffy's letter. And if that hadn't been enough tears, they had come again when he'd arrived in Sunnydale. Walking the streets he'd once walked with her, being in the mansion where they'd spent so much time together, he'd found new wells from which to cry. And as he sat on the little patch of earth that would forever now be her home, the salty tears had run red. He'd cried blood tears before, on the ghost roads. But those had been for the people he had tortured and killed. The crimson tears he cried in the little cemetery in Sunnydale had run only for Buffy, the reason he sought salvation.

He hadn't meant to be so blunt about it. He'd spent the ride back from Sunnydale, and the ride to the prison, trying to find gentle words to offer Faith. Somehow it had all gone to hell when Faith had mentioned Buffy's name. Despite all the differences between Buffy and Faith, seeing the brunette had brought Buffy screaming back. It wasn't because they looked alike or because one reminded him of the other. It was the air of the slayer. Buffy had it, Faith had it, and he could even recall seeing it in Kendra, in their brief time together. It existed in the way they held themselves, the manner in which they faced everything. Even when they were trying to take the easy way out, as Faith had done by asking Angel to just leave, as he'd seen Buffy do when she begged not to have to go up against the Master. It was ingrained in every part of them, from the moment they were called.

Maybe it had something to do with the fate they were dealt. When a girl was called to be the slayer, she was handed a never ending list of enemies, that's why she was so quick to heal. These enemies were the baddest of the bad, usually equipped with claws, magic, teeth, or some other kind of deadly weapon, which is why the slayer was preternaturally strong. She was granted speed to match that of her enemies as well. In addition to those gifts, she even got the occasional prophetic dream, which would sometimes keep her one step ahead of the crowd. But being called guaranteed the slayer one more thing, a short lonely life full of pain that ended in a, more likely than not, horrible death. With a fate such as that, it was no wonder that the slayer might also be gifted with an air of confidence, an extra bit of bravado. The slayer needed that aura to set her apart from others, so that they might see her and recognize her power, and take comfort in her strength.

He watched Faith's usually calm exterior crumble. "What are you talking about? I can't be the only one. B's out there, she's the slayer. I'm the runner up, only to be called upon in cases of extreme emergency, or when the prom queen falls off the stage." She was trying to keep her self control despite the pain in her chest. She'd fought Buffy before, both in training and for real. She'd barely put a dent in her predecessor's armor, what kind of demon was out there strong enough to take her down? It just wasn't possible.

"Angel, you're kidding, right? Like, this is all one big April fool's on Faith. I'll admit, it's not exactly my idea of a practical joke, but…" she tapered off. It was no joke, she knew that. Angel would never joke about Buffy being gone. Not just because he loved her, but because, as the slayer, it was too much a possibility. "Come on, Angel, please." She hated the way her voice took on that begging tone. But more then she wanted to seem like the big bad she used to pretend to be, she wanted Angel to tell her that what he was telling her was not true. She took a minute to try and accept what seemed like the inevitable. In a small voice, she asked the question every slayer either dreads asking, that every slayer tried to avoid asking, "What happened?"

"It's a long story. I wasn't there." Faith saw the pain shoot across his face, add one more thing to Angel's long list of regrets. "There was this hell-god, decided Sunnydale was her new playground. She tore the town apart looking for something that she wanted, that Buffy had. She got a hold of it, and used it to open an inter-dimensional portal. The only way to keep the creatures from crossing over, and basically save the world, was for Buffy to close the portal. To do that required blood, her blood. It's always blood, Buffy's blood." Angel was momentarily lost in a memory, of a night not so long ago, when Buffy's blood had saved him.

Faith took a second to suck in a breath, when she released it, a low laugh came out with it. "It would be a god. Nothing less could take out Buffy." Faith tried to picture it, Buffy fighting some all powerful god from another world, being defeated. Naturally, she couldn't. She'd watched Buffy fight dozens of monsters, she'd never lost. She had begun to believe it was impossible. "So that's it, huh? Buffy's just, what, poof? Gone?" She fought to keep the tears in. "That can't be it. She's Buffy, you know, she's the Slayer. She's supposed to be the one that just won't die." She tried to insert some of her steely ambivalence into the words she spoke. There had been a time when she would have reveled in the other slayer's death. She could not dredge any feelings besides solitude and loneliness, and pain. But she still tried to keep her voice steady, like when she was on the outside, like when she was bad. "I mean, believe me, I tried a half dozen ways to kill the girl. I'm the one who ended up half dead. It can't just be over." Her eyes begged Angel, just as his reinforced what must be true.

"Faith, I'm sorry. You have no idea how much I wish I didn't have to tell you this. But she asked me to come. She wanted me to come to you and talk." Angel stumbled over his words. "She wanted you to know she's sorry. She left you a letter," he held up the envelope. "I know that you two had your problems, I remember being very much in the middle of them. But you shouldn't hate her, she, I mean…" Angel was at a loss for words. He knew Buffy better then almost anyone. He knew she didn't hate Faith, but it was hard to explain that to the girl Buffy had tried to kill.

"Relax, Angel. I know me and B had our problems, what with the trying to kill each other and ruin the other's life. But I deserved what she felt about me. When she came here, she was right. I mean, poison a girl's boy toy, and she's allowed a knife to the guts. Steal a girl's body, you pretty much deserve a painful torturing, especially with all the other stuff added in," remembering the past made it easier to sound like her old self. When she thought about those times, she could pretend she hadn't just heard of Buffy's death. She could pretend that she wasn't alone, again. "I mean, come on, had the roles been reversed, I wouldn't have gone half as easy on her. After everything I did, Buffy should have beaten me to death with my own arm."

"Steal her body, what are you talking about?" Angel's eyes barely had room for confusion; they were too full of pain.

"I'm guessing that means she never told you? That explains why you keep coming. The reason she was so pissed at me when she came looking? I used magic to trade bodies with her." Faith took in Angel's continued state of confusion and decided she'd tell the story Buffy had not. "After the coma, I ran into one of the Mayor's henchmen. Turns out my boss wasn't all that positive about what was going to happen. So he had a backup plan for me, in case I woke up. There was this thing, and all I had to do was get B to touch it at the same time. And then, I was her, you know? All of a sudden I'm staring out Buffy's eyes at my body. The cops took her and I was free. Her life, her friends, her guy- all mine for the taking.

"So that's what I did. Before, I never understood how she functioned, how she thought. Then I was her and everything was so Technicolor, you know? Suddenly it was easy to see why she was so Buffy-like. The whole love thing, I never had it, but she did. And it scared the hell out of me; I had no idea how to handle it. Not kidding- I slept with soldier boy, Riley, and afterward I totally panicked. I felt this desperate need to protect Buffy from him, only she wasn't there, and he wasn't trying to hurt her." She remembered that night vividly. The entire experience had been unnerving; from Riley telling her he didn't want to play to his confession of love- it had just all been too much for Faith. She had been grabbed by this fervent need to protect not just herself but Buffy too. The irony didn't escape her, but since coming to this place, she'd come to understand that no matter what she and Buffy had done to each other, they could never forget that they shared so much. Faith had felt for Buffy as a sibling would, meaning she was the only one allowed to cause Buffy pain, and that it was her job to protect Buffy from anyone else who might try to harm her.

Sometimes Faith thought Buffy had been dealt the better hand in life, what with the loving mom and dedicated friends, but that left Buffy way too open to vulnerability. She was too trusting and gave her love and trust too easily. That's why most of the time, she knew it was slayers like her and Kendra that embraced the life so easily, with no real ties to the human world, that were better suited for the pain that came with the calling. "She's just so, easy, you know? She's always so willing to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, even when they don't deserve it. No wonder she was always in pain, she never figured out how to close herself off, to stay separate." She saw the love trickle through Angel's eyes, realized that he had learned that about her long ago. "But that's why they love her, right? Why you love her? And I was too busy trying to be better than her to see what we could have done if we'd worked together." Faith hung her head. Buffy had given her a chance at a family, and Faith had not only blown it, she'd created a mushroom cloud.

Angel was at a loss for words. Had he known exactly what Faith had done all those months ago, he probably would have torn out her throat himself. He had no right to say the things he'd said to Buffy, but she hadn't told him the reasons. She had wanted to hate Faith, to hurt her, but she hadn't wanted him to give up trying to help her. If she had, Buffy knew all she would have had to do was relate that story. "Yes, that's why I love her." _Because she can always see the good in people, even in me_, he added silently, _but it's so much more than that._

"What are you going to do now? What do I do now?" Faith hated not having the answers. This was a new arena for her. She had never been _the _slayer, just _a _slayer. Buffy's death changed everything, but as she looked around the room, she realized at the same time that Buffy's death changed nothing.

"We keep fighting. Buffy asked me to keep fighting." He took a second to look Faith in the eye. "And you keep doing this. You have to do the right thing here."

"But what about the world? There's no Chosen One with me locked up. We can't just leave the front unmanned, I can't turn my back on our destiny like that." A hint of panic had crept into Faith's voice, and she tried hard to swallow that fear, knowing that Angel could smell it on her. She had never had Buffy's aversion to the fate they'd been dealt and the past few months in lock up had been difficult. It was the slayer's prerogative to hunt, to slay. She hadn't so much as seen a vamp, present company excluded, since she'd left Sunnydale. Not being out there, doing her job, it left her feeling like a part of her was missing. She yearned for that adrenaline rush that she'd courted so often before. To no longer be able to roam the night, to seek her enemies, no longer feeling that rush when she knew she had the vamp made her yearn for her freedom. But knowing that Buffy was no longer out there doing it, turned that yearn into a raging need. Every instinct inside her, the very essence of her being, screamed at her to get out there and pick up Buffy's torch.

"You did before." Angel hated to state the obvious, but he didn't exactly get what Faith was trying to say. Not too long ago, Faith had been doing a better job being evil than most vampires. Now she was worried about the good fight. He was both confused and proud. He knew Buffy would be as well, proud that is.

"Before, there was Buffy. I couldn't be little miss save the world, didn't have to be little miss save the world, because that was her role. But now, I mean technically the torch is mine. I'm the one girl in all the world standing between the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness. I'm _the Slayer. _There won't be anyone to fight until I die. And the way I'm going in here, I'll end up taking the prize for longest living slayer. I can't just let that happen." It was one thing to shirk her duties when Buffy was there to pick up the slack. But she couldn't just leave the world without a slayer. While she'd been loathe admitting it before, after a few months in this place, hearing stories of what other people had seen and lived through, she couldn't deny the importance of the Slayer in controlling evil. She'd been able to sleep at night knowing the best person for the job was on it, but now that she was the only one left, she didn't think she could handle not doing her duty.

"There are still people fighting, Faith. Willow said that she and the Scoobies weren't going to walk away from Buffy's legacy. And my team is still fighting in L.A. Besides, I'm not going to let Buffy down anytime soon. I'll hold the line till you're out."

She saw the truth in his eyes. Angel would continue the fight with everything in him, until it killed him. He would continue to devote his unlife to destroying evil and saving people. But he couldn't fool her. He could claim to be doing this for her, and he could tell everyone on the outside that he did this to earn himself redemption. But the truth was that Angel fought for Buffy. He fought because he wanted to protect her, wanted to help her. Angel fought because he wanted Buffy to know she wasn't alone, because he loved. And now he'd lost her.

"So that's it, huh? The epic tale of Buffy the Vampire Slayer ends here, in a prison outside L.A., between the girl who betrayed her and the man she loved? It doesn't exactly seem fair to her." She gestured between the two of them. She found it hard to believe that this could be it. Buffy's life had been so big. She had fought tooth and nail for everything the Council said that Slayers weren't meant to have. She'd graduated from high school even thought she spent her nights creeping around cemeteries. She'd managed to hold onto her friends even though they were constantly in danger. More than that, she had found a man; well she had found someone, to love her, completely even with her faults. It didn't seem right that Buffy could just be gone, not after all she had done for the world.

"What are you talking about, Faith? Her story doesn't end here. She'll be immortalized in the Council records. She broke almost as many rules as you did. She's the original rebellious slayer. She was the first to meet her replacement, first to quit the council, first to love the enemy. She outlived her first Watcher and she lasted longer than most Slayers. She fought legends, and defeated them. Not to mention the multiple times she saved the world. I'll bet anything that every slayer from now on knows her name. And if they don't, it's fine, because we do. All of us here who loved her, all the people she saved, we'll remember her." Angel thought about all the people that Buffy had touched in her years as slayer, the lives she had helped. "Even if no one else takes her with them, I will. Some would call it ironic that she, as the slayer, will be most missed by a vampire, especially one with my former reputation." He let out a small chuckle. How many creatures who had once been awed by his name would laugh at the thought of the Scourge of Europe mourning the Vampire Slayer?

"Not ironic," Faith paused, trying to find the right word for that statement, "I guess it's more poetic. I mean, she is the one responsible for turning the great Angelus into the heroic Angel, right?" Faith had moved past her own attraction to Angel. Back in Sunnydale, she had wanted Angel because Buffy had him, because she had wanted to prove she could give him that moment of happiness that would bring about his inner demon. Now Angel was like her sponsor, the person she relied on to listen to her troubles and to help her stay strong in the face of temptation. She had seen the depth of love in both of their eyes, there was no way she could come between them. But she had done some reading up on Angel's past, it was a special girl who could transform a killer like Angelus into someone who cared as much as Angel, a girl like Buffy.

"Yea, she is." The pain returned to Angel's eyes. He kept having moments where he forgot she was gone, moments where he kept thinking, 'she's just a phone call away.' Then he would remember the truth and feel the wave of loss anew. He had given up humanity so that Buffy might live longer. That day had been barely a year ago. If this had been the longer life he'd bought Buffy, he hated to think how soon it would have happened had he stayed human. The thought of the moments they could have had, the two of them human, brought a searing pain to his chest. Not for the first time since seeing Willow in his lobby, he considered walking into the sunset. The only things stopping him were the promise of what redemption would bring and the words Buffy had yelled at him long ago as he'd prepared to destroy himself to save her.

"Hey, you all right?" Faith had never really understood Buffy and Angel's relationship. The very idea of the slayer falling for a vampire was against every rule the Council had ever recorded. But she could see they were in love; that was obvious. She could even see the attraction, Angel was hot, and he had that whole bad guy, tortured hero thing working for him. And Buffy had always been all about the fixer-upper. But Faith had never really seen how the two of them could be so in love, when there were so many lines they couldn't even come close to crossing, when there so many obstacles in their way. To a person on the outside, it seemed like too much pain for not enough pleasure.

That didn't mean she missed just how crushed Angel was by the absence of Buffy's soul from this plane. That's what made him look so lost, so broken. His other half was missing. It was as if someone had torn his heart from his chest, which was pretty much exactly what had happened. She'd seen how much Buffy loved Angel when Buffy had tried to kill her to save Angel from the poison. But she hadn't understood how mutual that affection was till now, when she could see the grief that lived in the vampire's eyes. To make him exist in this world without her was truly more tortuous than any gypsy curse could be.

He looked at Faith, again not seeing her for a moment. He was not all right, he never would be again. He wasn't even close to being stable. He had relied on Buffy's love for so long that he wasn't sure exactly how to function without it. Would he be able to fight as hard knowing that it did her no direct good? But he was no longer fighting to help her; he was fighting to reach her. So he would be able to fight just as hard, if not harder. He would hold himself together because that was the only way he would be able to get to her. His eyes focused on Faith again. "No, I'm not. But one day, I will be. One day, I'll be given what was promised to me, and then I'll be okay again."

His words were cryptic and she didn't understand them. But as he'd spoken a little of the fire had returned to his eyes. So she could only guess that his words were somehow connected to Buffy, maybe a deal made years ago. She nodded. "Do you think we'll ever get to see her again, after all this I mean?" Angel and she both had several marks against their souls, was it possible he believed he could create a balance? Was it possible he believed he'd be with Buffy in eternity one day? If that was true, and he could reach redemption, then it was possible that she, too, might one day achieve it.

"Yes, I do. She's waiting for me, she promised." Conviction ran in his every word, more than she'd ever heard in his voice before. And not a single part of her could bring itself to doubt him. He seemed to be so sure.

"I hope you reach her soon, Angel. It's really unfair- all you two did. You deserved some time to be together, time where you weren't constantly worrying about the end of the world or losing control." She hadn't been around for much of their relationship, it was true. But she had seen plenty when she had been there. Buffy had even shared some of their past when on patrol. Angel had stayed away in the beginning, wanting to stop what both he and Buffy had now come to accept as inevitable. Then, they had allowed themselves to succumb to temptation. Buffy could ignore Angel's past because he had a soul, because he fought by her side. And it was obvious that they were in love. But they had not even lasted a year before cruelty of cruelties had ripped his soul from him. Almost as long as she'd loved him, that was how long she was tortured at his hands. After his death, and return, the two had once again had to play it safe and stay away. It had, of course, been harder the second time around. They had already felt love, they already knew what the other could do to them, they couldn't just go back to being uninvolved coworkers, but neither could they allow themselves true immersion into their love. It was a cruel way to torture two champions such as them.

"I hope so too, Faith." He allowed himself a moment to try and picture an afterlife with Buffy. His mind didn't make it past her face. He prepared to leave. "I'm going away for awhile. I need to figure out some things. I've only ever fought to help her; I have to figure out how to fight to reach her. I won't be by for a few. But when I get back, you'll see me again. I just need some time to understand how a heart that no longer beats can hurt so much when it's been broken. You understand, right?" His eyes were full of pain.

"Hey, of course, take your time. Maybe while you're gone you can find a way for me to deal, too." She doubted that he would find either solution, but maybe he would be able to find a way to function through his pain. She met his eyes again; saw in them the slightest hint of uncertainty, "I'll be here when you get back." Without Buffy, she had nowhere else to go. She had no friends, no family. After the murder of her watcher 3 years ago, she had gone in search of Buffy strictly because there had been no one else. So she would stay here, in this prison, until her time was up, until she was released and she could once again take up the mantle of slayer.

"I know. This is from her," He handed the letter to the guard to bring around to Faith. He waited till it was in her hands to stand up. He moved to hang up the receiver, but her voice stopped him.

"You won't be the only one," she choked the words out, trying to hold back the tears. "Wherever I end up, she's part of me, too. I mean, she's the one who showed me what it means to be the slayer. One day, I'll get the chance to show the world that."

Tears glistened in Angel's eyes, Buffy would be proud of Faith; despite what problems they may have had in the past. "Take care of yourself, Faith." He hung up the receiver, and walked toward the exit. He didn't turn when he heard her next words, but he took heart from them. His love was gone, but there were others in this world who would remember her. No one could match his grief, though some might come close, he knew he would never be alone in it.

Faith held the letter and cradled the receiver, she waited till he was at the door before whispering, "You too, Angel." Then she hung up the receiver and went back to her cell. She stared at the envelope for ten minutes, trying to work up the courage to open it. She knew her fear of its contents was irrational, it couldn't say anything she didn't deserve to hear.

She had worked hard in this place to create a bubble, earn a rep. She didn't want people thinking she was an easy mark, which often happened because of how she looked, not just here but in the real world as well. But neither had she wanted to be constantly fighting. She'd simply wanted to do her time and get out. But if any of her prison mates were to look in on her now, as she held the letter from the dead girl whom she had loved, any reputation she'd established would disappear. She was having trouble breathing and her eyes were full of tears. What's more, she could still feel that odd energy from before, and she did not like it one bit.

Finally, she sucked in a breath and slid her finger under the seal. She carefully lifted out the letter and unfolded it.

_Dear Faith,_

_I never thought I'd be writing this letter, to anyone, but especially to you. There are a lot of mistakes in our past, on both sides. It's weird; because I should hate you, fear you. You're my replacement, or more accurately my replacement's replacement. We were never supposed to meet. My heart should have stopped beating long before you felt your first surge of slayer power. But for some reason, fate had other plans for us._

_I never wanted us to be enemies. There are a million things that I see now that I could have done differently. But I was lost when you showed up. I'd lost so much before you came- Kendra had died and I'd killed Angel and I'd taken off. Then just when I'm back in Sunnydale and starting to think that I can function like normal, you show up. You seemed to have everything so under control. You fit in to my life so easily, but you didn't have any of my baggage. I resented you for that, and I'm sorry. If I'd been better in the beginning, maybe things wouldn't have turned into such a contest._

_I never wanted to hurt you. I know my actions scream otherwise, but I was so lost senior year. And instead of realizing that you were the one person who most got what I was going through, I decided to try and keep you as far from my heart as possible. A lot of that was because of Kendra. When she first came to Sunnydale, she tried to kill me. She was so adamant that I was going about being a slayer all wrong and she absolutely hated that I loved Angel. But we were able to learn from each other. In the end, she met a slayer's fate, at the hands of a cruel vampire whom I should have destroyed. Her death, it was just one more reminder that my life had a very close expiration date._

_You coming to town kind of did that, too. Remind me, I mean. And you were so very the opposite of her. You fed off your emotions the way I did. You took life by the balls and you lived it to the extreme. But all I could see was another girl who was going to die way too young, just like Kendra, just like me. But you refused to see the bleak side of our destiny. You embraced it. Your lust for slaying, your acceptance of our fate, it wasn't something I could understand. I was called when I was 15, and I have been fighting that calling ever since. I never wanted this life and I couldn't look past the early death to see the bright side. But that's all you saw. I tried to see it that way too, and when we fought together, I could almost imagine that fate wouldn't be so cruel to me._

_But then I'd remember that you were only there because fate had already been so cruel to me._

_If you're reading this then it means it's happened again. Death has claimed another Slayer. I hope it meant something. I feel like you can understand why I need that. To spend your last years in the darkness surrounded by evil, all you can hope is that you went out doing your job. I haven't always been the best slayer. I've allowed my heart to blind me against my duty, and I fear that that may have happened again. I ask your forgiveness for that. The Watcher's Council seems to think that they are the authority and power behind our lineage, but I believe that only slayers can judge each other. Only someone who shares my burden, who knew me, can pass judgment on my final battle._

_As a slayer, I've faced hundreds of demons, and probably double as many vampires. But I haven't always killed them. I've allied myself with both vampires and demons, and witches and werewolves. I do not see the world in the black and white terms that my first watcher explained to me. There are varying degrees of evil, Faith. I've seen humans with hearts blacker than some of the demons I've come across. It isn't the face you wear that defines you, it's what is in your heart and what you do with your life._

_I believe that you are a good person, Faith. You are not a killer. You are a Slayer, you have in you the same desire to help people that I have. Maybe you don't want to admit it, and I can understand if you don't, but you and I, we weren't meant to end lives. Not human lives and not even all demonic lives. Sometimes we get lost on the way to our destinies. But what matters is that we find our way back. I'm proud of you for trying. I wish I could have told you that before, when I was in L.A., but I was blinded by anger._

_I want you to know you have my forgiveness, for all the transgressions you committed against me, even if you don't ask for it. I also beg your forgiveness for the wrongs I did you. You and I should have been able to work side by side, instead of trying to destroy each other._

_I don't think I'm going to survive this coming battle, as you probably guessed from this rather dramatic note. But I didn't want to leave this world without a defender. I wish that I could change your destiny, just as I always wanted to change my own. But I can't. You and I are destined to wage the war on evil, on darkness. It's a hard battle, and we'll never really win. But I do believe it's a battle worth fighting._

_To you, my adversary, my friend, I leave our calling. I'm sorry you now have to bear this burden alone. I remember the feeling, and I hate to pass it on to you. It's a heavy weight. When things get dark, and you feel alone, remember that I'm with you, and that there are others out there who are fighting this battle as well. They don't have our power and it's not their destiny, but they fight. Hopefully it is thoughts of people like them that will give you strength to continue._

_I have to go now. I'm sorry, for more than you'll ever really know. Please check in on my family, I hate leaving them without answers. And please help Angel; I need him to keep fighting so that one day we'll be together again. I once imagined that there was a place that slayers could visit, after they had died, where they could meet those who came before. I don't know if it's real, but either way, I hope to one day see you again as well._

_Goodbye comrade. May you live long and may victory always come easily to you. The only final advice I can leave to you is this: don't just fight the war, live your life as well. Oh, and always keep a spare stake handy, you never know when you'll find your next vamp._

_Love, your sister,_

_Buffy_

Faith closed the letter and wiped a tear from her cheek. Leave it to Buffy to get all sappy at the end. Still, she respected the other slayer. Buffy had given her all, actually she'd given more than that. Here was a girl who had died twice for a calling she didn't want in the first place. Faith had made some mistakes in the past, screwed up majorly. But she wasn't going to let that happen again. She had a duty to fulfill, and she had a legacy to protect. She certainly couldn't replace Buffy, but she could sure as hell honor the other slayer's memory.


End file.
